FEAR OF THE C WORD HAS TURNED ME INTO A CRAZY PERSON
And I was already pretty crazy, guys
- 1.I don't even want to say the wordSo I had a mammogram and an ultra sound last week, and they found some growths. And I am getting extremely creative about ways to describe my possible prognosis. I am trying to say everything except the C word.
- 2.I want to talk about it but also don't want to talk about itI have always been the kind of person who talks through things. And I know I need to do that now. So I find that I'll talk about it. Until I start talking about it. Then I suddenly have a panic attack and want to cleverly change the conversation to anything and anyone else.
- 3.I want to be able to cry but want to stop cryingI've always allowed myself to cry when I need to. But suddenly, about this, I can't seem to let myself. Anytime I tear up I dismiss it with "you don't even know of its the c word". There's no crying allowed yet.
- 4.I'm having panic attacks in the most random momentsActually this isn't new. I've always been the type of person who is calm during the emergency and panics later. So it is no surprise I've been so calm during my dr appointments and panicking at the grocery store. The gym. While walking my pups.
- 5.I'm finding that my taste in films is now MUCH TOO SAD"Y tu mama tambien" "My life without me" "the C word" all things I own on dvd and devour at least once every few months. Now I'm wondering why I ever watched those movies. Guys, they are SAD!
- 6.I'm listing about the c word at the dentistI am waiting for my son to get out of cleaning. We are going to run errands in a bit to get ready for his twelfth bday party. This is a happy thing. And yet here I am listing about this and hoping I won't have a panic attack at party city...needless to say, the one prognosis I definitely have is c for crazy.