1. "I will never get on Facebook"
    And there I went. And there I remained for an embarrassingly long period of time
  2. "I have no desire to post pictures"
    Turns out that was a complete and utter lie.
  3. "Tweeting your thoughts makes so sense"
    I'm a complete fraud
  4. "I don't think I could come up with anything to list about"
    Almost 500 lists are here as evidence for my impending trial
  5. "I won't record a single podcast, I'll just listen"
    Given my overly articulated life, this should have been 100% factual. Yet I just posted a podcast on bumpers. I don't even know who I am anymore