HOSTING MARTHA STEWART

Okay. She's not REALLY Martha Stewart. but she's the Martha Stewart in my family
  1. How do you clean for Martha?
    I have to admit, my answer is, not well at all. In my defense, I didn't find out Martha (aka, my sis in law) was staying with me until Wednesday. A normal person would have started cleaning Wednesday night but...well, I didn't.
  2. Do you have to put out fresh flowers for Martha?
    The thought did cross my mind. After all, she always has fresh flowers at her house. I thought about it on Thursday. I thought about it Friday. I thought about it Saturday as Martha was on her way. But I never actually made it to buy the flowers.
  3. What do you cook for Martha?
    This one I take no credit for failing at. The event was a very late bday party for my son with my parents and family. And he chose the food. So the fact that I served something I didn't cook that came in a styrofoam container isn't my fault at all! Good luck telling my mom though. She blames me, for sure.
  4. Do you iron Martha's sheets?
    I know this one sounds completely insane. But seriously, guys, I have slept on her guest bed before. And the sheets always feel like they just came out of a dryer. How does Martha do it? I don't know. So I just washed and dried them yesterday before putting them on and hoped for the best.
  5. Do you lay out Martha's towels? Is that rude?
    I don't know etiquette. I didn't even hear the word until I was learning English. So I hope my linen closet is organized well enough for Martha and I showed her where they were because I wasn't sure what the proper form is. Also, is Martha offended by my lack of monogrammed towels? But what letter would I even use? My kids still have their dad's name, I have my maiden name. Isn't it too confusing to monogram at this point?
  6. How late does Martha stay up?
    She seemed tired. Is it my job to ask if she's ready for bed? Is that rude? Do I offer her wine? I don't think Martha drinks much. Does Martha stay up late watching tv or reading like I do? What does Martha do at night after her house is immaculate and her kids are asleep and her husband is away on business? What do I even know about this woman I call my sister in law?
  7. Martha is actually pretty funny
    She is cracking me up. Tomorrow I am taking her shopping for a dress for what she thinks is a white party. They have things like white parties in her world. But it's actually for a vowel renewal ceremony my brother is surprising her with. Anyway, Martha tells some hilarious socialite party stories.
  8. Martha got a new Lexus
    My brother surprised her with it yesterday. Is it rude to suggest we take the new Lexus when we go shopping tomorrow? Will Martha be more offended by riding in my car that desperately needs new brakes that are starting to screech when I press on them to slow down?
  9. Martha does drink wine!
    Man does she ever. And she's telling me more socialite things and admitting that world she lives in is actually pretty hilarious. They have Botox parties at her kids school for a PTA fundraising. I wonder how Martha stays so grounded despite living in a world of Botox.
  10. Martha kind of hates being Martha
    I never knew that about Martha. Always just kind of figured she had grown up in that world and just liked it. She admits to feeling pressure to be Martha because of her husbands high ranked job (military). And the image they are expected to give off, events they have to attend. People they have to host. Being Martha is a lot of pressure.
  11. I have new respect for Martha
    Don't get me wrong, I have always admired her. She puts up with my insane family. She has made my wild brother deliriously happy for thirteen years now. She stood by him when he almost messed up everything they had. She somehow found a way to keep a spotless house and raise three well mannered, respectful kids in the process. But I had never really seen Martha until tonight. I'm glad I hosted Martha. Martha is pretty cool.