I got married 18 years ago today
And divorced six years ago
- •The marriage lasted 12 yearsWeird how that seems like a long time sometimes and other times it seems like a very short time. Also weird how often I forget exactly when we got divorced. The divorce took a VERY long time, or so it seemed.
- •I was so youngNineteen. Can you imagine? If either of my kids want to get married at 19 I will FREAK OUT. In my defense, I was done with college and therefore thought I was a grown up. But still though, I was way too young!
- •Oddly enough, I have never regretted itEven when I was miserable, when I went through a depression and a very difficult divorce, I never regretted getting married. It was the right choice for me at the time and it brought me my children.
- •Two things to point outBy the time we got divorced, neither of us were romantically invested. So being around each other wasn't raw or painful like it is for couples who are still in love when they get divorced. Also, I think I grieved the disillusionment of my marriage for two years before I even filed for divorce. Needles to say by the time the divorce was finalized, I had moved on.
- •This doesn't meanThat it was an "easy divorce". I had someone tell me that once and I almost punched her. Yes, I was mature about it. Yes, I had gone to therapy and healed and knew this was the right thing. It also doesn't mean that I haven't lost my cool and acted completely childish or emotional in front of the kids over the years. I'd be a rich woman if I got paid for each time I have acted like an idiot or crazy ex wife.
- •When the kids went to therapyWe all also went to family divorce counseling and learned that a lot of kids feel like their parents wish they had never married. So it's important to have one day when you come together as a family and express gratitude for the fact that you had this union. Since we had always celebrated our anniversary with the kids, it just made sense to keep the celebration on the 23
- •Yes, you read that rightI know, that's weird, right? But what we do is talk about how we are each still grateful for the time we had because it brought us this family, even if this family isn't a "typical" one or one where the parents are still married
- •We tell storiesAbout when we first met. And then focus most on when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I was told I would never have children so this was a miraculous moment and changed our path completely
- •We talk about the second miracleWhich came four years later, my son Dylan. If the first child was a defiance to science, my second was even more so. The fact that it took so long to conceive him had me convinced I would never get pregnant again.
- •Sometimes it's hardWe got divorced for a myriad of reasons. One of them being that we don't exactly get along. So when we are arguing about something it makes it especially difficult. But we both try to be adults. It isn't always easy but we try. After all, what else can you do?
- •And the secret?I have friends to talk to today that encourage me through the day. I also have a friend who drinks with me every year on this day. Right after the kids go to bed and the day is over, she comes over from across the street and we have wine and toast to surviving another year of celebrating for the kids sake. So basically the secret is wine. And friendship. And these two miracles that I call my children and worth enduring pretty much anything for.