Heard in elementary school
  1. "My head hurts"
    Conveniently right before math. I hear you kid
  2. "My stomach hurts"
    After gobbling down a snack. Hmm...
  3. "I have a paper cut"
    Okay those hurt. But also, how did that happen when we are working on chrome books? What is that, a note in your hand? Are these kids too young to learn about karma?
  4. "I think my skin is falling off"
    Now that gets points for creativity! If we can hang in there until recess all will be well, everyone gets magically healed by recess..
  5. "I wasn't looking at Pokémon cards"
    Wow guys. Illnesses are spreading because now I am seeing things. "What's that in your hands? Those are NOT Pokémon cards? Okay I guess I'll collect those since they are NOT yours or Pokémon cards". Magically they turned into his Pokémon cards that belonged in HIS backpack
  6. They are "literally" starving to death
    I'm in one of the most affluent schools in our district. They have all had at leas three snacks. Yet they are all starving to death. Oh the humanity!
  7. Narcolepsy has set in
    I have kids falling asleep at their desks now guys. It's not even noon yet and it's only Tuesday. So good for the teacher ego. Please send help.