MACHINES THAT ARE ATTEMPTING TO RUMBLE WITH ME

And I'm NOT having it
  1. The Kurig at work
    Don't defend her. She knows what she's doing. She thinks she's so fancy with her special hidden button in the back. And she has to warm up for five hundred years before she's ready to brew. Not so fancy after all!
  2. The time clock
    Yes, there is still a time clock. And he hates me. Some days he's like, oh, that's Karla's finger print. Other days he's like, I don't recognize that print. Last week he just flat out decided not to work at all.
  3. The automatic light censors
    Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the environment and all that other hippie stuff. But I can't sit in my class room during my off period for too long because then I will be in darkness. And getting those lights to come back on isn't as easy as it sounds.
  4. The microwave in the lunch room
    Sometimes it heats my food to perfection. But see, that's how narcissistic appliances work. There can't be consistency. They are just evil.
  5. The Chrome-books
    This year, the chrome-books have lost their damn minds. They are not recognizing log ins. They are losing entire lessons. They are just basically torture devices at this point. But I am still required to use them.
  6. The vending machines
    Some days they accept the dollar bill. Other days they just choose to spit it back at me while they mock my pain. They are almost as evil as the microwave. And they always fail to work when I need a sweet pick me up.
  7. The fire alarm
    That always go off at three am. Or at eleven when I've just drifted off to sleep. And so then I'm exhausted the entire next day.
  8. The self check out
    It just won't work. It thinks I'm stealing. And it refuses to scan half my produce. And it's the only lane ever open because machines are taking over the world.
  9. The Stop Light by my house
    It's what jenji Kohan would refer to as the punishment light. This freaking light takes so long to change that your entire pathetic life will flash before your eyes three times before it finally changes. It likes to toy with your emotions and taunt you in a cold fashion while dismissing your pain.
  10. My garage door opener
    That damned thing stops working every time I can't find my key. Or when I'm exhausted. Or when I just watched a scary movie and then it locks me out. It knows when to strike, it waits until I'm completely helpless.