Questions I have for The Alleged Easter Bunny

  1. If that is your real name
    Why is it such a vastly unoriginal one? You're a bunny. You come at easter. So your name is simply Easter Bunny? What, did you think we couldn't figure out your official title without the name?
  2. Also, why are you so racist?
    I don't know about my non US born friends, but I know us southern Americans didn't have visits from the so called Easter Bunny. Why? We had santa. We had the tooth fairy. Even the mean old "boogie man" didn't leave us out. Why were you so cruel?
  3. Why the plastic Easter eggs
    Correct me if I'm wrong, but bunnies don't lay any kind of eggs. So why the plastic eggs? What happened to you? Were you used in some horrible government experiment and ended up being mutated to laying plastic eggs filled with candy once a year?
  4. Let's talk about your vitamin A deficiency
    I understand that bunnies eat carrots. And carrots are rich in vitamin A. Which I'm told is good for eye sight. And yet the "easter bunnies" at the mall always wear glasses. What kind of non carrot eating egg laying Bunny are you?
  5. Has anyone besides chandler ever worn you as a costume?
    Listen I've handed out a lot of candy and gone to a lot of Halloween parties where I've seen costumes I can't ever unsee. But I have never seen anyone wearing a pink bunny costume like...ever. Except chandler on friends.
  6. Are you going to kill me now?
    I feel like you might not be real but if you are I also feel like you might be a little crazy. If that's the case, then get a sense of humor rabbit. It's a joke. Relax...or as all the kids you ignored say, calmate
  7. It seems you wanted to prove my point about glasses
    By wearing them while appearing at the whole house. And also since you clapped for trump it seems you are, in fact, plotting to kill me