To do, or not to do. That is the question
  1. Shower/ get ready
    I have to leave my house by 10:20. It is now 924...still no shower
  2. Dry the towels
    It's my turn to do this. My daughter did it last, my son before that. I washed them...they're ready to go in the dryer...any minute now I'll do it...who needs towels anyway? I think we still have like three clean towels. Oh yeah..I'm supposed to be showering...
  3. Decide on the menu
    We each pick the menu for a day or two, depending on our mood. We aren't good at making last minute choices, hunger kicks in and we accomplish nothing. So on Sundays we each plan out a different day. My kids picked Monday & Wednesday already. Friday we are going to my parents. Oh god, do we have to go have dinner with them? Why did we start having dinner every week? Wait, what was I doing? Oh, the menu. Tuesday and Thursday have become a mathematical equation to me now.
  4. Write
    I set my alarm for eight a.m. So I could write today. I even woke up. Instead I sat here and took an hour and twenty minutes to drink a cup of coffee. One cup. Man that's an all time record for underachieving. Anyway, I would have to stop writing and take a shower and get ready. Oh yeah. I'm supposed to be showering.
  5. Unload the dishwasher
    It's my turn. And the dishes are clean...I'm usually so OCD about this kind of stuff. Not today...maybe my son is right. Maybe we should store clean dishes in the dishwasher and dirty ones in the sink..god I'm stooping to a new low to get out of putting away the dishes.
  6. Rush out of the house
    Now I have no time to wash my hair, again. Oh well, I guess I'm pulling my hair up. Again. God I'm getting gross this summer. Okay I have to hurry. Damn it I should have at least unloaded the dishwasher. My OCD is kicking in and it's all I'll think about as I drive with the kids.
  7. Drink coffee
    Dang it I forgot to make a second cup of coffee. Now I'm running on one cup. Not going to work. There's a travel mug in my cupboard, does that have coffee? It does. It's like a day old, Karla, don't drink it Karla...
  8. Panic when it's daughters turn to pick the music
    Please don't pick Adele again, please don't pick Adele...oh god it's Adele again. My god this woman depresses me...that's it, I'm drinking the coffee. God how long is this song, anyway?
  9. Breathe when it's sons turn to pick the music
    He usually picks pretty good songs. Wait, what did he say? Did he say he heard a new song at his dad's house? Oh please don't let it be a hard rock Christian song, please don't let it be...oh god I need more coffee.
  10. Drink the last of the day old coffee
    "where did you get that travel mug?" Wait what? Why is she asking me that? Oh crap. The travel mug is a college travel mug. Think Karla, think. What should you say? The truth? It belongs to the guy I'm dating. They know you're dating someone. But then you have to explain why you have it. What are you going to say? "I didn't have my travel mug when I spent the night there yesterday and grabbed this on my way out?" No way they want to visualize that...
  11. Change the conversation
    Quickly ask your son all about his new video game. If he goes on long enough your daughter will start blocking out all reality and forget she's even in this car anymore. It's working, keep going, almost there...
  12. Think of clever ways to elongate the video game conversation
    Oh god you know nothing about video games anymore. When did you get so uncool? What is he even saying right now? Are those actual words? What happened to good old fashioned mortal combat? Why can't he play pac man? Don't kids still play that game?
  13. Become totally uncool
    Your son looks at you with disappointment, your daughter is laughing. Their mom is old and uncool again, you have dodged the "our mom was spending the night with some guy and is drinking day old coffee out of his travel mug" image. For now.
  14. Drive around the parking lot for a long time
    why did we pick the worlds most popular restaurant to meet my brother for brunch? I'm never going to find a parking space. At this rate I should just go home and eat. Oh yeah, I can't. I haven't gone grocery shopping. Oh man I haven't picked my menu items yet. And my dishwasher is full of clean dishes and my towels haven't been dried. Wonder if I have time to run home and do it before brunch? I. Need. A. therapist.
  15. Park badly, rush out of the car, go into the restaurant
    Oh great, you spilled your day old coffee on your white dress. Why the heck do you even own white? You should have a closet full of coffee colored clothes. Then your incessant sloppiness wouldn't matter so much.
  16. Moan when you hear the wait time
    You're way past coffee at this point. You need alcohol. Whoever invented mimosas at brunch must have been a single mom who procrastinated all morning and still has no idea what she's picking at the grocery store in a few hours and has her boyfriends travel mug in the car. Yes. Alcohol please. Anything stronger than champagne?
  17. Get tipsy before brunch
    dishes, travel mugs, grocery shopping, Christian Rock bands and Adele are all hysterical to you now. You tell your brother about the travel mug and you're pretty sure you just witnessed the look you would have gotten from your daughter acted out by his horrified expression. "Oh god please tell me you were just up talking all night" your brother begs and you strangely feel better. You grossed your brother out. That should have been item one on the to do list. It's the only necessary item.