THE SECRET LANGUAGE OF GIRLS

Who run.
  1. 1.
    "I can't stay up and watch gymnastics I have to run tomorrow morning"
    I mean...what? She seriously went to bed before Laurie Hernandez and Simone Biles went on the beam. What fresh hell is this?
  2. 2.
    "It isn't hard, it's just a recovery run"
    First, you used "isn't hard" talking about running, so I'm already lost. And "recovery"? What does that mean? That you have to recover after you do it?
  3. 3.
    "It's only twenty minutes"
    Did you say ONLY? How long is a "regular" run? Oh, don't tell me. I don't want to know. Also, who is forcing you to do this?
  4. 4.
    "I only ran three miles today"
    Oh. Is that all? Just THREE miles? I don't even know what to say to that. Wait, I think I can act shocked and disappointed.
  5. 5.
    "My size incredibly small shorts are too big"
    I guess that's what happens when you run more than three miles every day and don't sit on your couch all day eating everything. I should probably learn from her and start running. But I'll think I'll just list about it and eat some more snacks.