THINGS I WANTED TO SHOUT WHILE WORKING THE SCHOOL CROSS WALK
Vs. THINGS I actually did or said
- •What I wanted to shout: This is a STOP SIGN. I'm sure it's a hard sign to decipher. I know, stop signs are so very complex and varied. Oh wait. THEY'RE NOT. So STOP. STOP you idiot.What I did? I smiled and waved.
- •What I wanted to shout: IT'S a five mile an hour speed zone. Can you please not go fifty? You can read numbers, right? Oh you can't? You thought it said fifty? And the school wasn't a clue???? You're brilliant!!!What I did: smiled and waved. Thought about how many drinks I'm going to have during happy hour tonight.
- •What I wanted to shout: THIS IS SOMEONE'S CHILD. Where the hell could you possibly be going that it would be worth to kill a kid to get there on time? I'm guessing you're performing surgery on the president and didn't want to be late so you just wore gym clothes. Still though, pretty sure the president doesn't want you to kill kids on your way.What I did? Yeah, you guessed it. I smiled and waved. And I only cried a little on the inside. Those aren't tears, kids, they're allergies.
- •Oh? You're THAT kids' parent. This explains SO MUCH. Imma need you to stop. No, not that pedal, the other one. There you go. Glad your brakes are working...that was a close one...What I did seems ridiculous to even say at this point. What can I say? It's my job. I smile at that parents kid every day when he acts up or asks me what to do after I JUST explained it
- •Pedestrians have the right of way, IDIOTS. Especially children. Especially in the cross walk. Pedestrians have the right of way. Pedestrians have the right of—oh never mind, I'm just going to stand here and dare you to kill me with your mini van.What I did: died a little on the inside. Okay last bell has rung. I'm dead on the inside now. I'll go teach your kids now. Thanks for not killing us all but reminding us your busy morning is more important than our lives. You guys are AMAZING