What plane manuals are actually saying

I was bored on my flight this morning. Like really bored.
  1. "Please go and fuck yourself."
    Never question the flight attendant.
  2. "God Dammit Julie I thought you said yellow vests were OUR thing."
    So embarrassing.
  3. "But mother, the mask only hides the ugliness of my face and not my boneless infant body"
    Seriously tho what even is that creature in the seat? An infant/tiny man? Disgusting.
  4. "Next office party rent our lifelike plane bouncy slide. Sophisticated and fun for your company."
    Weeeeeeee! Looks like they are having a blast!!!
  5. "Fetus Pitbull already raising the roof with his Latino pop jams and having them hoes line up."
    Dale, Mr. 305 would like you to suck elsewhere.
  6. "Complimentary flask located under the seat."
    After the flight I had, I wish these existed.
  7. When you drink too much of your complimentary flask
    I mean that container did look like the size of a fifth.