1. "It Begins"
    "...I refuse to believe that all those dipshits I went to high school with who are married now putting pictures on Facebook everyday of their kids with little headbands have it all figured out, right?That's gotta be bullshit, that can't be the deal. That can't be it!"
  2. "One Long Day"
    💁🏻"No one cares about the special features!" 👦🏻"I do! I care about special features. I think they rule and I think they're awesome!"
  3. "Tested"
    "She's a prima donna and she drinks these green drinks. Who drinks these green drinks when they're 12? Where's the Capri Sun at?"
  4. "Party in the Hills"
    "You're here? This party's like The Christmas Carol; every guy I've ever dated is here."
  5. "The Date"
    A Tie: "I'm just changing my pillowcases. I should change my pillow. You know after 5 years, half the weight of your pillow is like bugs." 😂 "Climate change is like Valentine's Day, just a fake thing a corporation made up you know, in order to make money. It's like Santa Clause; you know who invented Santa Claus right? Coca-Cola company."
  6. "Andy"
    "I got scared. This dude's like nice and funny and sweet and I'm just like this piece a shit and I just wanted to save him from me. But that's bullshit, I was just scared."
  7. "Magic"
    "It's also not fair to take someone someplace and then demand that they have a specific reaction to it."
  8. "Closing Title Song"
    "Canadians are the best!" "It's because of their health care system. Yeah for real- they relieve so much stress, they can just focus on being pleasant all the time!"
  9. "The Table Read"
    "Excuse me! Hi, do you have any romantic comedy themed merchandise, preferably something with Winslet and Diaz?...This is very disappointing, I've had a depressing day and I just wanted to get something that would remind you that happiness can find you when you least expect it."
  10. "The End of the Beginning"
    "Let's hear some other ideas on places where the serial killer and the witches could face off"
  11. Giphy