Potential Titles of the Memoir I Will Probably Never Write
- •The Doctor's DaughterI've come to realize that my father's being a physician has shaped the way I view the world. The word "emergency," for example, is grossly misused outside the medical profession. An emergency is a heart attack or a stroke or internal bleeding. An emergency is not a runny nose, a typo found in a manuscript after it has been submitted, or an inappropriate fumbling voice mail you left for someone you want to date.
- •Oh Bother, I'm StuckMy younger brother is autistic and had severely limited language as a child. Much of his verbalizations consisted of phrases from Winnie the Pooh. When frustrated, my brother, whose speech at the time consisted of th-fronting, would say, "Oh boffer, I'm stuck." My brother has made enormous strides since then and I am so proud of the lovely young man he's become.
- •Accidental GeniusMy quasi-technophobe mother managed to jerry-rig a digital 15% off coupon at a pricey supermarket so that the expiration date continually regenerated once reached. The store eventually caught on, but only after several months.
- •When the Queen CallsSeveral years ago, my father once spent somewhere north of 30 minutes during a family dinner listing purported evidence to support his claim that he is related to the British Royal Family. We're still waiting for that call.