CONVERSATIONS WITH MY GRANDMA, PRICKA

Everyone in my family has a nickname and my grandma's is Pricka.
  1. Boy at the drive through window: "What size ma'am?" Pricka: "That's none of your business, you animal!"
  2. Pricka (from the backseat of a car been driven by her son-in-law, my dad who is named Joel): "You're messing up, mister." (To me) "Hold on, I have to tell Simple Simon what to do."
  3. "That Rachel Maddow is a first class bitch."
  4. To the Chef at a fancy restaurant: "Who makes up this shit?" Chef: "We throw a dart at a dartboard." P: "Thought so."
  5. "All of those houses look exactly the same. How do you know which one is yours when you come home drunk?"
  6. (To my dad, who is navigating a map going through New Mexico) "Jesus, you'd make a piss poor Mexican."