COMMENTS FROM TONIGHT'S FAMILY DINNER

  1. Black cherry. It's like pomegranate but a little more interesting.
  2. Mom: Now we can have any table we want. Brother 2: We should each sit a different one.
  3. I'm going to put my hat on the chair across from me, and we're going to stare meaningfully at each other.
  4. A toast to everybody's good health...and relative sanity.
  5. I don't see why people who want to drink $200 wines shouldn't have that made available to them.
  6. I think feta cheese would have overwhelmed this salad.
  7. Do you want some quince on here, buddy?
  8. Enjoying foie gras enables you to...enjoy foie gras. That's about it.
  9. I was in a chicken mood.
  10. Other things that smell good...Subway, for example.
  11. So I guess he's done with his boring story.
  12. You know when you're talking to someone who's a member of the Republican Party, and they're just uninformed and ignorant?
  13. It's recurringly excellent.
  14. I'm going to get a little more involved with my veal.
  15. Water, water everywhere...but no one cares about your needs.
  16. She said, "Here are some mushroom chocolates, now come meet my parents."
  17. When there's a meli-melo on the menu, what they're saying is--here's some shit, with sauce.
  18. Me: Steamed meringue sounds shady. Brother 2: It's kind of like a sugar sock.
  19. Me: Do you have a hat? Brother 2: I have a giant hat. It's like two hats sewn together.