The Worst Customers at a Deli

Insider info from the three months I spent working at a Deli
  1. People that steal the gingerbread muffins from the salad bar, even though they do not have a salad bar card
    If you didn't buy a salad bar card please don't take the motherfucking gingerbread muffins, it's the law
  2. People that come extremely hungry and will start crying if they don't get their food in one minute
    Please don't cry in the restaurant, what if we are trying to shoot a promotional video and you're crying in the background
  3. People that found out if you pay 50 cents you can get the free ice cream without having to buy food
    You sneaky fucks
  4. People that write mean reviews on yelp
    Why don't you say it to my face?
  5. People that say their mean reviews to my face
    Why don't you just take it to yelp you big meanie? :(
  6. The guy who laughed when I dropped two bowls of soup in front of him
    Fuck you sir
  7. Couples who start arguing while they're ordering and their marital issues become apparent
    Please stop guys?
  8. People that didn't take one single glance at a menu before they it's their turn to order
    There were multiple opportunities and now there is a line behind you
  9. People that look at the menu above the counter
    That menu has been out of date for years, please don't look at it
  10. People on the phone ordering for a full army
    The only fun part of this is getting to say, "Your total is $200"
  11. People ordering over the phone who didn't figure out what everyone wanted before
    I'm not here to listen to you guys argue, thanks though
  12. People that ask, "why is this so expensive?"
    You're right, all of us cashiers came together to decide on these high prices
  13. The woman who asked us to call her boyfriend and tell him why she wasn't going to be at the Deli when he came to meet her
    Sorry but I'd rather not be the one to pull the plug on your relationship for you
  14. The guy who just wanted to freak out the cashiers by yelling, "Please make me a sandwich now!"
    Apparently he did it at Chipotle too only he said "taco bowl" instead of "sandwich"
  15. People that start their order with, "I'm only going to say this once"
    Do I look like I'm going to fuck it up?
  16. Employees that come and order free food for their entire family
    Why are you wasting my time?
  17. People than lean over the counter to look at what you're putting into the computer
    Please don't :(
  18. People that want to use their promotional gift card they redeemed through a coupon book
    Sorry but I have no fucking idea how to run that card, it's literally made of card stock
  19. Vegans
    Why did you come to a Deli? The whole point of a Deli is that we cover everything in butter before we make it
  20. The old woman who asked for a quarter pound of beef in a lettuce wrap
    What?
  21. The parents whose kids cried two separate times while ordering
    Actually I feel pretty bad for you guys, you handled it really well
  22. The parents who said no to their kids getting a milk and then their kid took a milk and just started drinking it and in response they just looked at me
    Idk what to say guys looks like your kid won this one
  23. People that say "I can tell it's your first day, you're doing fine"
    Bitch I've been working here two months, who the fuck asked for your opinion
  24. People that ask what my favorite is
    Ma'am all I've had here is Mac and cheese, I have the same taste of a ten year old child
  25. People that wink at you when they see you in your uniform walking to your car
    Did you think we live here?
  26. People that ask me to get them a fork when we both know they can clearly see the forks from their table
    Can't blame you I'd do the same thing