I'm not the best mom, but occasionally I'm pretty good at it.
  1. Admit when you're wrong
    Failure is constant as a parent. If I mess up, I let my kids know. It not only makes them trust you but makes you human.
  2. Apologize
    Sometimes I yell at my kids. Sometimes I'm mean and grumpy. I'll never be able to not do these things, but I always try to say sorry and apologize to them and let them know why I was feeling frustrated.
  3. Fuck Pinterest crafts
    You know who doesn't give a fuck about Pinterest, crafting, or perfect birthday parties? Your kids. People do that shit to impress other adults. Fuck that stuff! Kids are happy dumping glitter on the floor and painting rocks with water. Follow their lead instead.
  4. Small things can make childhood magical
    You don't need to do something huge and crazy to add magic and mystery into your kids' lives. One of my favorite memories is finding candy in the woods that my aunt said fairies left for us. This year we planted jelly beans and on Easter lollipops had grown in their place.
  5. The Dollar Store is your best friend
    Cheap kitchen stuff for play, stocking stuffers, coloring books and toys to surprise your kids with on long flights.
  6. Be selfish
    The only way to be a good parent is to be good to yourself. Exercise, get sleep, go out - treat yourself to some quiet time. Give the kids an iPad for an hour and go sit on the couch and read. It will make you a better parent, partner and human.
  7. Screen time can save your life
    See above. Don't fear the iPad or TV. Just don't overuse it because it will turn your kids into tiny garbage monsters. Trust me, I've learned from first hand experience.
  8. Be kind
    Hug a lot. Say I love you. Be open and available with your emotions. Have empathy toward others. Your kids will follow your lead.
  9. Follow through
    The hardest part of parenting. If you discipline your kids, follow through on it. No TV means no TV. This will not be fun for you because disciplining sucks and also you probably wanted to watch TV with them.
  10. Don't worry if your kid screams on an airplane or has a meltdown in the grocery store.
    There is not a kid on the planet who has not done this. If it happens, stay cool. Chances are more people around you can relate than are annoyed. And fuck those shitty haters who make you feel bad for having a kid who is behaving like a kid.
  11. If you want your kid to have manners, then you have to have manners.
    Say please and thank you and they will too...eventually.
  12. When all else fails, lock yourself in the bathroom.
    This is your panic room. Use it.