THINGS THAT COME TO MIND ON AN EIGHT HOUR BUS

  1. Could humans suffocate from the smell of stale body odour?
  2. What if the bus I'm currently on is actually the bus from Speed?
  3. Is my life interesting enough to be narrated by the guy from Arrested Development?
  4. If I could only listen to one Frank Sinatra song for the rest of my life, which would I pick?
  5. How quickly can I perfect a glare that reads "don't fucking sit next to me"?
  6. Which character from Mad Men would I want to date?
  7. Which character from Mad Men would I want to be?
  8. *thinking about the Mad Men finale and what the ending ACTUALLY meant*
  9. How much tea can I drink before my tongue feels fuzzy?
  10. What kind of swanky orphanage did Madeline grow up in?
  11. My bus driver's name is Randall. The only other Randall I know is the one from Monster's Inc. Is this a bad omen?
  12. Can I pull a Barbra Streisand and go as Kathrine instead of Katherine? You know, the whole 'drop the second vowel' gig.
  13. How much more space can the jackass sitting next to me take up?
  14. Turning every song played on Spotify as a part of my life's soundtrack.
  15. If I had only three more inches of leg room, my knee wouldn't be cramping. Okay, fine, I'll settle for two, but no less than one and a half.
  16. How much Febreeze will it take to make this bus not smell like death and pot?
  17. What other things could I have accomplished with the seven hours I would have saved had I flown?