THINGS I'M GOOD AT

  1. Putting IKEA furniture together
  2. Eating
  3. Sinking foul shots
  4. Never hitting the snooze button
  5. Concealing a fart while on the elliptical
  6. Reading really fast
  7. Memorizing shit
  8. Coming up with nicknames for people/places/things
  9. Holding my bladder for hours on end (not healthy but can come in handy)