Over the past year, I've become obsessed with Chopped. I usually have at least five episodes on my DVR at any given time. But that doesn't mean it doesn't make me insane sometimes. Here are some of my biggest Chopped pet peeves. (Inspired by @sarahgorman)
  1. The term "mouthfeel"
    That's a stupid, pretentious, and frankly kind of gross way to describe food, Alex Guarnaschelli.
  2. "I'm very intimate with those flavors."
    I shit you not, some dumbass dude used this phrase while talking about Thai-inspired spices. It actually made my skin crawl. (Also, someone should make sure he hasn't *literally* been intimate with those flavors, 'cause the judges probably shouldn't eat his dish if that's the case.)
  3. "This dessert is too sweet."
    Are you kidding me? It's fucking dessert. That the contestants overcame a final basket filled with celery, gummy bears, and pig's ears, and still created something delicious, should make you do fucking cartwheels.
  4. "I'm going to add some almond extract/sesame oil/truffle oil."
    You *will* add too much. The judges *will* hate it.
  5. "I didn't come here to lose."
    Oh, you don't say? That's so weird, because everyone else competing today *totally* came here with the sole intention of losing. You're such a unique snowflake!
  6. "I came here to win."
    See above.
  7. Describing a dish as "feathery"
    I know you meant "light and airy," Aron Sanchez. But what you actually said made me think of molting chickens. Appetizing.
  8. "I'm going to make panna cotta/risotto/lentils!"
    Congratulations -- you actually did come here to lose.