A KLUTZ'S LIFE: MY MOST IMPRESSIVE ACCIDENTS
In honor of my most recent ridiculous injury.
- •Christmas tree set-up, 2015Somehow slipped on something (pine needles??), fell onto my knee, INTO the bar cart, hit my head/shoulders/neck, broke a glass (but no liquor bottles!), and smashed my toe into the floor causing epic bleeding.
- •Black Keys concert, 2012Tripped on a tree root in Central Park, landed on my knee so hard that it turned purple from bottom thigh to mid-calf, walked around NY all day & then the ER doc thought I might have broken something so I spent 5 days on crutches until my orthopedist could confirm I hadn't. My knee is still occasionally slightly numb where I damaged the nerve.
- •Green St garage, 2009Following a friend into the garage I was distracted while reading the "don't walk under this gate" sign (cue Alanis) and didn't realize the "hey, lady!" shout was to me until the gate landed on my head. Figuring I was fine, went home & to bed, rushed in the morning to make it to my bus home for the holiday and only discovered that my head had been bleeding when my mom asked me why there was blood in my hair.
- •In the office, 2004Called into her office by my boss, I ran to bring her "that thing," unwittingly stepped into the strap of the duffel bag that was in my cube and when I pulled it to the end of its reach, went down sprawling out like a starfish into her office. Spent my entire subsequent trip to Vermont being mocked by my friends for my injury.
- •Arlington T station, 2002On our way to go clubbing, slipped and fell down the entire staircase to the platform at Arlington T. Could barely walk for a week+ but had no medical insurance so never got it looked at- years later confirmed it was only a sprain. Conveniently, got me out of having to go clubbing.
- •South Station T station, 2001Rushing to get to the T to make my train home for a holiday and wearing pajama pants, caught my suitcase in the loose pants and actually flipped down the stairs. Landed on my ass and was mostly not that injured, made the train. Probably the reason I so intensely hate when people travel in pajamas to this day.
- •Dorm back stairs, 1999Running down from my dorm room in 4in heels on a spiral staircase on my way to Rocky Horror Picture Show, I skidded around the curve, missed the stair, and rolled down to the landing. Managed to limp through to the show anyway, used bruises and sore back as an excuse to skip classes all week. Not that I needed an excuse.