THINGS THAT COULD BE CAUSING THE NOISES I'M HEARING WHILE ALONE IN MY APARTMENT

  1. Mice, but the kind that move so quickly I never see them.
  2. The wind, somehow.
  3. Ghosts, tapping my bookshelves with chopsticks because I was supposed to feed them or something.
  4. My neighbor's dog, via telekinesis.
  5. Werewolves, hopefully the hot shirtless kind like on MTV.
  6. Something murderous, probably.