Things I have said out loud for the first time since turning 36

I have the boldness of a much younger woman.
  1. I am writing a novel.
    Didn't even feel like a douche.
  2. I am not a very good driver.
    Just set women back fifty years.
  3. I don't like sushi.
    Mind you — I still eat it because everyone else does and otherwise I might never talk to other humans.
  4. I might never get married.
    Honestly, I suspect it would be more socially acceptable if I was divorced. Maybe I'll start telling people that.
  5. I think Beyoncé is fine.
    Did you just hear something? Was it just me?
  6. I watch a lot of television.
    This appears to be acceptable if you have kids and what you're watching is animated. Not the case here. Move along.
  7. I don't understand Snapchat.
    Also can't use these tiny keys. Where are my dentures?