Favorite Mitch Hedberg Jokes

  1. I'm sick of following my dreams man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
  2. When someone hands you a flyer they're saying here, you throw this away.
  3. An escalator cannot break. It can only become stairs. You should never see an 'escalator out of order' sign, just 'escalator temporarily stairs.' 'Sorry for the convenience.'
  4. My belt holds my pants up, but my belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who's the real hero?
  5. Yknow those fishing shows on TV? They catch the fish and let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
  6. Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat 2000 of something.