1. I could do that!
  2. Oh wait, no I couldn't.
  3. I wonder what their Glassdoor rating is.
  4. Ugh forget it, less than 4 stars I'm out.
  5. Who's this guy looking at my LinkedIn profile? Am I being stalked for my social media skills?
  6. Can I lie about my GPA?
  7. I mean if I take out Calculus II and Sociobiology I like almost have a great record.
  8. What do people wear to normal office jobs?
  9. Sale at LOFT, what else is new.
  10. What size am I even? Fuck shopping.
  11. My resume is ugly.
  12. C'mon Google Docs up your resume template game already geez
  13. I wonder how much a 1 bed apartment costs in Portland...
  14. Or Detroit...
  15. Fuck Boston.
  16. If I made 100k a year I could almost afford this loft in the South End.
  17. Who am I kidding I'm going to have roommates for life.
  18. Maybe I should just be a Kind Bar brand ambassador.
  19. Or drive a Red Bull car.
  20. Is Whole Foods hiring? Those benefits must be craaazy.
  21. Ugh, no, I hate people in Whole Foods.
  22. I should just go to grad school.