Things My Uber Driver Said Tonight

  1. "So glad this is my last ride of the night. Super over this."
  2. "Have you heard of ____ bar? It's so sick. They have mermaids there."
  3. "...I heard they're hiring mermaids. That would be a pretty sweet job."
  4. "Yeah, Tahoe sucks now. Fuck Tahoe."
  5. "Did you hear about those riders that killed their Uber driver? I guess they were super wasted."
  6. "...I'd never murder someone. That's just crazy."
  7. "Chico's sick. I once saw a drunk girl fall out of a window, then get up and just keep walking."