PEOPLE ARE THE WORST

A lifelong Montauk summerer's response to this week's @nytimes Style section articles about summer in the Hamptons
  1. "Blade, the Uber-like helicopter app, is back and bigger than ever. With a new terminal on Wall Street, it now offers four departure points from Manhattan, with one-way fares starting at $495"
    For that price, though, you will have to spend 35 minutes in an enclosed space with the worst people in the world.
  2. "You won’t hear as much music thumping across Montauk this summer."
    Well thank f*ck for that.
  3. "The Surf Lodge ... is in limbo. “It’s very frustrating,” said an owner, Jayma Cardoso, who is optimistic she can work with the State Liquor Authority and town officials to find a compromise. “Canceling live music is robbing the community of culture that flourishes and grows here.”"
    Well, there is a kind of culture that develops when your customers regularly piss off the edge of your establishment into Fort Pond, but it's really more bacterial than artistic.
  4. "You can't do the Hamptons without shopping"
    Yes you can. Watch me.
  5. "You can't lounge by the pool all day."
    Well, you could, but why would you when there's this big sandy thing called the beach just a few minutes' walk away. And yes, that's WALK, not stretch Hummer or Segway or luxury warm-weather dogsled
  6. "Had too much pinot at the party?"
    Then please don't pass out on my driveway.