REASONS MY SISTER IS COOLER THAN I AM

  1. She has a narwhal costume
  2. She knows what a wug is
  3. She added a silent 'Q' to the end of her name when she was 13
  4. Her first present to my baby was this lobster costume
  5. She's a newspaper reporter
    I imagine her office to be a slightly more modern version of the newsroom in His Girl Friday.
  6. When she was little, she invented two languages for her imaginary friends called 'Pigsty' and 'Frog Eyeball'
    And she wouldn't teach me either of them
  7. She knows how to catch squid and open clams
  8. When she saw an offensive and grammatically incorrect bumper sticker on a car in a public parking lot, she taped a note over it
    It read, "Learn to use an apostrophe, you dangerous asshole"