WAYS PEOPLE MAY HAVE DESCRIBED MY FATHER TO ME

Oh, is your dad...
  1. ...the guy wearing swimming trunks and clogs?
  2. ...the guy who just fed-exed the head of a suckling pig to his best friend as a Christmas present?
  3. ...the guy in your wedding pictures wearing sunglasses and a hairy sporran?
  4. ...the guy who only wore the hairy sporran after forgetting his beaded-turtle sporran at home?
  5. ...the guy blasting Tom Jones/tango music/flamenco music from his car just outside the entrance to school?
  6. ...the guy who gets rid of Mormons at the front door by cheerily telling them his family are all Communists?
  7. ...the guy who looks exactly like the Big Lebowski?