The Worst Things I Said to Kids When I Was a Teacher
Let's hope these aren't the one thing they remember.
- •English-language-learning student: "what's a 'hoochie mama'"? Me: "Your mom."
- •"AHHHHHH! WHAT'S CRAWLING IN YOUR EAR— err, I mean, Dylan, go ask the nurse to look in your ear. For no reason. DON'T TOUCH IT!"When he returned, he said sadly, "it was a tick. She said I can't let stray cats sleep in my bed anymore."
- •"Hahahaha! Wait, is that really your answer?"
- •"YOU'LL RUN UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME DAMN RESPECT!"Because that's how you teach a love of exercise!
- •4th Grader: "what are those snails doing?" Me: "that one is putting sperm in that one to make a baby snail." 4th Grader: "THAT'S HOW BABIES ARE MADE?!?!" (frantically reaches for science journal) "I gotta write this down!"Sex ed isn't until 7th grade? And there's a permission slip? Sorry, Itzel's dad.
- •"Why are your hands in your mouth? That's why you keep throwing up!"
- •"No one is ever going to like you if you keep lying."
- •"Are you old enough to buy me wine yet?"