The Worst Things I Said to Kids When I Was a Teacher

Let's hope these aren't the one thing they remember.
  1. English-language-learning student: "what's a 'hoochie mama'"? Me: "Your mom."
  2. "AHHHHHH! WHAT'S CRAWLING IN YOUR EAR— err, I mean, Dylan, go ask the nurse to look in your ear. For no reason. DON'T TOUCH IT!"
    When he returned, he said sadly, "it was a tick. She said I can't let stray cats sleep in my bed anymore."
  3. "Hahahaha! Wait, is that really your answer?"
  4. "YOU'LL RUN UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME DAMN RESPECT!"
    Because that's how you teach a love of exercise!
  5. 4th Grader: "what are those snails doing?" Me: "that one is putting sperm in that one to make a baby snail." 4th Grader: "THAT'S HOW BABIES ARE MADE?!?!" (frantically reaches for science journal) "I gotta write this down!"
    Sex ed isn't until 7th grade? And there's a permission slip? Sorry, Itzel's dad.
  6. "Why are your hands in your mouth? That's why you keep throwing up!"
  7. "No one is ever going to like you if you keep lying."
  8. "Are you old enough to buy me wine yet?"