EVENTS THAT HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE (List Discretion Advised)
Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Shit happens.
- •Born into the family 7 years younger than my next siblingEssentially being raised as an only child and being spoiled beyond belief. My parents were much more lax on me and I had little discipline.
- •I was raped repeatedly by the older boys at school in the 3rd gradeOlder boys (5years older) bullied me constantly and began orally raping me during and after school which lasted for a year until they graduated to another school. I still can't comprehend how this changed my life.
- •Falling hopelessly in "love" at age 10.Following my sexual abuse, I sought out some kind of normalcy. Meeting another boy who treated me kindly, I fell in "love" and based all my relationships in life on this unhealthy model based on sex, alcohol, drugs and crime. I strive everyday to relive that first feeling of being so totally consumed by another person.
- •Becoming addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol and crime at age 11During and following my first "relationship" I became involved with a group of kids that would run around town wreaking havoc.
- •Sex, drugs, alcohol and crime were my main focus throughout high school.It didn't just continue, it progressed to worse and worse scenarios. Group sex was a norm. We graduated from pot and cocaine to meth. Beer to Vodka. And graffiti to theft.
- •Getting two rival girls pregnant nearly at the same time at age 17Life already had little meaning or rhyme. Drama was quite prevalent. Screwing two girls that hated each other made me feel pretty powerful. Getting them both pregnant at the same time destroyed any hope I had for normalcy. I never saw them again, or have had any contact with our children, but got to hear stories of how beautiful they were.
- •Drugs and sex took over my life in college (I never finished school, obviously)Meth. Not even once. Sex with anyone, all the time.
- •Drugs until I was 35Drugs and sex were all that mattered my whole life. I prostituted myself for drugs and used drugs for sex. I got arrested, and got into the Drug Court Program which allowed to me to get and stay clean and sober from illicit drugs.
- •Clean for 17 yearsIt's harder than you think to rebuild your life from scratch. No education. Emerging psychiatric disorders. (I was self medicating?) A milestone in its own right, but being sober and being in recovery are two different things. Being self aware and not doing anything to better my life has left me stricken in a near catatonic state. I have no friends. I have no relationships. I never learned how to be a friend or be in a relationship. So this is no surprise. All I ever knew was sex and drugs.
- •I fear for my futureWill I become a homeless derelict? I am not worth anything to society. I have no self worth. I hate life. Not just my life. But life. I struggle with constant depression and suicidal ideation. My BiPolar swings make me irritable and chase away those around me.