24 THINGS ABOUT MY BROTHER ON HIS 24TH BIRTHDAY

Since words aren't really his "thing", he's not on Li.st. Which is cool because I wouldn't want him to see me writing about him and get the idea that I actually love him or anything...
  1. 1.
    He made our mom sick every single day of her pregnancy.
    My mom said she should have known what a handful he was when he caused her to have to live on a diet of Emetrol and Gatorade.
  2. 2.
    Unlike me, though, he was born on his due date.
    With his arrival, our family was split down the middle between the Aquarius and Libra astrological signs.
  3. 3.
    My parents changed their choices three times before finally deciding on his name.
    If I had been a boy, they were going to name me William Anthony. Since I wasn't, they were going to use the name for my brother until my grandmother pointed out that one of my uncles was William Anthony. After that, he was going to be Daniel Anthony until my mom realized that this would be the last chance she had to name a kid after her late father so he was going to be James Daniel until my dad pointed out that if she was going to call him Daniel, he needed to be Daniel James.
  4. 4.
    When it came to pacifiers, he would only take the round ones and was notorious for wrapping his bottom lip around them.
    When he slept, he would roll the pacifier out until it looked like it was going to fall out and then pull it back in.
  5. 5.
    I once convinced him that we found him on the side of the road.
    I also once fooled him into thinking I was leaving home on secret mission.
  6. 6.
    He carried around a stuffed lion he named King King from the time he was 18 months old until he was about five.
    But he didn't just carry him around. King King had to have whatever D ate, had to be buckled up whenever we went somewhere, and to be tucked in each night.
  7. 7.
    He was *obsessed* with the "ugly doggie movie" (The Ugly Dachshund) to the point we had to watch it every day for a solid year.
  8. 8.
    Another obsession of his was Tim McGraw's "I Like It, I Love It".
    Any time we got in the car, he would pitch a fit until one of our parents put it on. Needless to say we all said a loud "Hallelujah!" when the tape got left out on a scorcher of a day and melted.
  9. 9.
    He could hold a grudge like no other when he was a kid.
    Our grandfather once scolded him for playing with the car door locks. After insisting that they pull over because he wanted to ride with his momma (we were all on vacation together), he gave Pa the cold shoulder until he eventually bought him an ice cream cone.
  10. 10.
    He quit being put in the corner as punishment after my mom heard him walk over to it and say, "Hello, Mr. Corner, I'm back again."
    Our young cousin wasn't privy to this information when she put him in the corner for not sharing a year or so ago.
  11. 11.
    My mom used to tell him that if he kept on, he wasn't going to make it to five. Cut to him waking up on his fifth birthday with the loud declaration of "I MADE IT TO FIVE!"
  12. 12.
    He almost failed kindergarten because he couldn't skip.
    He still can't.
  13. 13.
    Once upon a time ago, he used to be a talented baseball player.
    He probably would have played through high school and earned a college scholarship except he ended up with two sets of coaches who made him hate playing so much that he quit.
  14. 14.
    He failed a test in fourth grade because of the way he chose to "read" The Indian in Cupboard.
    The teacher warned him. I warned him. Even our parents warned him, but he still insisted on watching the movie instead of reading the book. Unsurprisingly, he got an F on the test and a note that read "You watched the movie, didn't you?"
  15. 15.
    He's been a volunteer fireman longer than he's had his driver's license.
    He joined the explorer's program at our local volunteer fire department when he was fourteen. Since he couldn't drive, one of our parents had to chauffeur him to fires and training.
  16. 16.
    He doesn't like chocolate.
  17. 17.
    He did, however, once break a tooth by eating Dots.
  18. 18.
    He has a twang that we can't quite figure out where he picked it up from.
    Seriously, it's like somebody took our normal accents and turned them up to a twelve.
  19. 19.
    He taught himself to drive a car with a manual transmission when he was a kid.
  20. 20.
    My ringtone for him is Carly Simon's "You're So Vain".
    ⬆️ And that's the picture that comes up when he calls.
  21. 21.
    But while he's a self-centered asshole most of the time, he has a tendency to come through when you really need him.
    When Mo got so sick this summer and I couldn't come up with the full deposit for the vet to keep her overnight, he stepped up and covered it for me. (Mom told me later that he told her that he hates it when I cry on him because it just kills him. 😄)
  22. 22.
    Needless to say, he's pretty obsessed with Mo, too.
  23. 23.
    I call him Sunshine.
    Not because he's a ray of sunshine, but because he's such a grump when you wake him up.
  24. 24.
    As much as I joke about wishing I was an only child and wanting to return to sender him, I'm kind of glad he's here.