(I've started and stopped this about a million times since last night because nothing I write feels like it's enough to explain my heartbreak over Biz's passing. Honestly, it still doesn't.)
  1. When I started following @biz, I didn't know that her hair was blonde or her eyes were blue because the only picture beside her name was the standard grey blob we're all give when we first join here.
    I still remember the smile that broke across my lips the day I was scrolling through my timeline and saw that she had finally uploaded a profile picture.
  2. I also didn't know her humor and her heartbreak, her darkness and her light, or the incredible ability she had to take a bunch of words and turn them into something beautiful.
  3. The only thing I knew about her back then was that she had made me feel heard just by pressing that little like button.
  4. I'd like to say that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, but it wasn't. Instead I allowed my shyness and insecurities to keep me from reaching out to her and so many others of you to share how awesome and smart and lovely I thought you all were/are.
  5. So instead I quietly followed her and I liked and I relisted those lists that made me laugh, made me think, and especially the ones that gave me a solid punch in the feels.
  6. I'd also get a giant grin on my face each time I opened my notifications to find her name there because a like/relist/comment from Biz was like the highest of fives and the shiniest of gold stars.
    And luckily for all of us, she wasn't stingy when it came to giving them out.
  7. But it was also by following Biz that I realized what kind of lister I wanted to be.
  8. And what kind of lister is that, you ask?
  9. One who gives you the highest of fives and shiniest of stars with each like/relist and who means every single heart that she writes.
  10. And one who's not afraid to speak up and defend her beliefs or share her vulnerability when her heart is aching.
  11. But mostly, I want to be the kind of lister who lets you know how amazing and smart and funny and lovely I find you because it matters. Because YOU matter.
  12. So thank you for that, @biz.
  13. I just wish I'd told you sooner. 💔
  14. "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make" -- The Beatles, "The End"
    And my gosh, did Biz share a whole lot of love around this place.