Inspired by @sarahmccoy's Fictional Ladies I Wish I Could Text For Advice but with a slight twist or two.
  1. Barack Obama
    I love my dad but because he grew up in a home where testosterone was the dominant hormone and feelings weren't always acknowledged, much less talked about, he isn't always the greatest guy to seek fatherly advice from. But President Obama? I kind of feel like even if he couldn't give me the (dad) advice I need, he could at least set me on the path towards finding it.
  2. Bianca Del Rio
    A drag queen with a heart hidden behind a sense of humor reminiscent of the great Don Rickles, I feel like she would insult me a few times— in a way that made me laugh of course—before ultimately helping me figure it out.
  3. Cher
    Tough love and wisdom delivered in a way that only a living legend like her could.
  4. Chrissy Teigen
    If she couldn't help me out of whatever life/cooking disaster I'd gotten myself into, she would at least know where to find the best food.
  5. Dolly Parton
    I feel like she would give me one of her famed Dolly-isms that would either make me laugh or inspire me to finish the project I've been working/fix my life.
  6. Fran Fine
    Having the bold, loud, somewhat intruding family she did means she would *totally* understand mine.
  7. Felicia Day
    Someone who would remind me to always embrace my weird.
  8. Gloria Steinem
    She would listen to my problems and give me only the wisest of advice while also reminding of the badass woman I am.
  9. Jinkx Monsoon
    I don't know how good she would be at giving advice but I do think she would make feel better (especially if she broke out the Little Edie and Bette Davis impersonations).
  10. Leslie Knope
    Because sometimes I need to be reminded of what a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox I am.
  11. Liz Lemon
    I feel like she would just get my problems and frustrations. She would also probably sing me "Night Cheese" or "Don't Go To Bed With A Frown".
  12. Michael B. Jordan
    I don't actually want to call/text him for advice but rather to tell him I'd have his children.
  13. Michelle Obama
    She's basically the strong, smart, sassy woman I aspire to be, okay?
  14. Michelle Simms (Bunheads)
    Probably wouldn't always offer the best advice but would be most likely to show up with junk food and a stack of they're-so-terrible-they're-good movies.
  15. Miss Phryne Fisher
    She would be that person who would tell me all the things my mind knows but my heart doesn't want to hear and be able to do it from a place of love and cheeky humor.
  16. Mr. Feeny
    Do I even need to explain this one? No? You guys are the best.
  17. RuPaul
    I just want Mama Ru to fix my life, y'all.
  18. Sandra Bullock
    Seems like the kind of person who would give you advice and then call a day or two later to make sure you're okay and invite you over for dinner.
  19. some li.sters
    I realize how creepy that comes off but I swear that's not how I meant it. I just think some of you guys would "get" me and still love and accept me anyway.
  20. Stevie Nicks
    So she could sing "Landslide" to me, obviously. But I also feel like she would be capable of calming my emotional tides and making me not feel like such a failure.
  21. Tami Taylor
    Not only would she give me the pep talk I didn't even know I needed, but she would love me despite all my screw ups.
  22. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
    The only group message that I wouldn't mind being part of.
  23. Topanga Lawrence Matthews
    The kind of friend who would give me advice only to then drive over to my house so I could ugly cry on shoulder.
  24. Veronica Mars
    Wouldn't just give me advice but would also be willing to help me right the wrongs.
  25. Vivian Howard
    I know she would be capable of walking me through any meal prep or kitchen disaster I encountered. It also doesn't hurt that she's the bee's knees.