I don't actually have a dating profile but if I did, these probably wouldn't make the cut.
  1. acts like she's up for anything but secretly prays you'll just want to stay home and order takeout
  2. pretends to have a sophisticated sense of humor but is actually more on par with a five year old's
  3. will silently judge you if you list Oasis's "Wonderwall" as one of your favorite songs ever
  4. has been known to wear Christmas socks in June because she forgot to do her laundry
  5. has never seen an episode of "Game of Thrones" but has watched more episodes of "Cops" than one should probably admit
  6. doesn't believe in the whole "let's get one appetizer/meal and share" thing
  7. has a mean streak when she's hungry
  8. will probably steal your chocolate and won't feel the least bit bad about it
  9. has referred to her dogs as "her children" more than once
  10. has cried over TV commercials, an old couch, and- quite literally- spilled milk
  11. has perfected the ability to weave a string of curse words together so eloquently that they sound like poetry
  12. yells at the TV when things aren't going the way she thinks they should
  13. nerds out over Star Wars
  14. biggest fear is having to use a portable toilet at a concert/music festival
  15. checks for Norman Bates behind every shower curtain
  16. is happiest when she doesn't have to put on shoes or wear pants without an elastic waistband
  17. eats ice cream straight from the carton
  18. thinks restaurants with linen tablecloths are FANCY, y'all
  19. more often than not, has to channel her inner Aretha and sing "Respect" in order to spell it
  20. thinks she's Tina Fey or Gilda Radner but is actually more like Larry the Cable Guy
  21. will probably read your texts/messages but forget to reply
  22. would rather give up 75% of her liver than have to talk on the telephone
  23. talks to herself and her dogs way more than a normal person probably would
  24. cries when she's tired
  25. would sell her brother's soul for the ability to eat whatever she wants without gaining weight or the chance to meet Stevie Nicks
  26. still eats cereal that's 86% sugar
  27. prefers Grease 2 over Grease and thinks Michelle Pfeiffer is a precious jewel that we don't appreciate enough
  28. will walk 35 miles out of her way to avoid having to talk to someone she knows
  29. has a movie quote/reference/trivia tidbit for everything
  30. a horrific dresser who would make Stacy London weep
  31. tries to sing all the vocal parts on songs and fails terribly yet spectacularly
  32. rolls her eyes when she can't stalk people on Instagram even though she has a private Instagram
  33. can't remember her high school Spanish but speaks sarcasm rather fluently
  34. peaked in the fourth grade
  35. Static