TEN CHRISTMAS SONGS I DESPISE

I don't mind most Christmas music, but these ten songs cause me to smash snow globes, rip down lights, and scale the Christmas tree like King Kong....Okay, so maybe they don't, but I do have a tendency to change the channel whenever they come on. (Apologies if these are anyone else's faves. I hope we can still be friends.)
  1. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
    Because nothing screams Christmas cheer more than thinking Mommy's a cheater or discovering that Santa isn't real. 🎉
  2. "Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy"
    See explanation above.
  3. "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)"
    I never hate myself more than when this gets stuck on a continuous loop inside my brain.
  4. "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
    Or as I like to call it, "The Can't Take No For An Answer Song"
  5. "The Twelve Days of Christmas"
    I applaud the commitment, but I'm usually finished with this one by day four. Plus could you imagine having to clean up after all those various birds, dancing ladies, leaping lords, milking maids, and drumming drummers? No, thank you. 🙅
  6. "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
    So let me get this straight: this kid wants to waste a perfectly good Christmas wish on a pair of teeth? Not world peace or a puppy or an endless supply of money, but teeth? *rolls eyes* This kid's the reason why we can't have nice things. (Also, the use of is instead of are in the title makes my eye twitch.)
  7. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"
    This would be so much more interesting if it were an episode of CSI: North Pole where investigators Holly (Macaulay Culkin) and Jolly (Mara Wilson) discover that Grandpa* hired Blitzen (Gary Busey) to take out Grandma (Cloris Leachman) so he could be with his lover, Cousin Mel*. *- casting's still open for these roles. (I obviously have waaaaaay too much free time in my schedule right now.)
  8. "Redneck Twelve Days of Christmas"
    It's every bit as charming as it sounds, especially when the local radio station is playing it for the second or third time within an hour. 😑
  9. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas"
    You know what I want for Christmas? To be able to eat whatever I want without gaining an ounce, but as the Rolling Stones once sang, you can't always get what you want.
  10. "Nuttin' For Christmas"
    I mostly despise the joke ("Hey, this song's about you!") that always seems to come with this one. However, the kid still sounds like a grade-A, colossal jerk.