THINGS MY PARENTS WILL NEVER LET ME FORGET

Richard and Lisa may not remember the preamble of the Constitution or what the name of that actress who was in that other movie they really like is, but they do remember every less than awesome thing I've ever done/said in my life. Yay? (This will be an ongoing list.)
  1. That they're the entire reason I exist.
    They don't do this all the time. I mean, sometimes they do this truly adorable thing where they act like they have absolutely no idea who I am when I show up to do my laundry or need them to fix something for me.
  2. The time I blacked both my eyes by running into a flower pot.
    In my defense,?when you're short like I am, you don't really think about having to bend down in order to clear anything hanging overhead.
  3. When I almost got kicked out of Santa's Land because I couldn't keep my hands inside the rides.
    Apparently I'm only capable of being a rebel when it involves kiddie park rides that don't go over six mph.
  4. When I caused my mother to have to get in the pool with her clothes on because I was too scared to jump off the high dive.
    I know what you're thinking- why didn't I just climb back down the ladder? Well, I probably would have except there were fourteen other kids who refused to budge for fear of losing their place in line. Jerks. 😒
  5. How I used to sing "secret agent man" as "secret Asian man".
    Lyrics are hard, y'all.
  6. That time I thought it would be utterly brilliant to skate down our rocky, uneven driveway.
    Result: a summer spent in a hot pink cast.
  7. That I used to refer to shampoo as hairpoo.
    It may just be me but hairpoo just doesn't sound quite as appealing as shampoo.