Signs Your Avocados Are Going Bad

  1. Your avocado curses at you for no reason.
  2. Your avocado disappears at odd hours, and won't provide an explanation when it returns.
  3. You found drugs in your cabinet, but you don't remember putting them there.
  4. When someone asks how your avocado is doing, you don't know how to respond. "Okay, I guess," you say. Your friend can tell you're lying.
  5. You caught your avocado on a pro-villain forum the other day.
  6. Your avocado keeps deleting its search history.
  7. Your avocado has two phones.
  8. Your avocado recently acquired a cape with a very high collar... and a taste for vengeance.
  9. Your avocado keeps rereading THE FOUNTAINHEAD.
  10. There is a strange potion in your sink, and your avocado denies all knowledge of it.
  11. Your avocado seems to be in detention constantly.
  12. Is your avocado even going to school?
  13. Your avocado told your new bananas to meet it at an unspecified location known as "the chamber."
  14. Your avocado is often whispering with the other avocados, and they all glare at you when you interrupt.
  15. Your avocado has taken an apprentice, and the apprentice seems to have an unhealthy obsession with wasps.
  16. You find pieces of your hair missing, and strands of it among the rutabagas.
  17. Your avocado never seems to tire.
  18. Your avocado's favorite movie is AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER.