CAREERS I'D WANT AND COULD MAYBE HAVE HAD IF I WEREN'T A COMEDY WRITER

  1. Therapist
    Dumb shrinks are the worst so I'd feel a real pressure to be good. Also I really enjoy hearing people's problems. Find it reassuring.
  2. Beloved English teacher at an East Coast prep school
  3. Cantankerous low level judge who yells at jurors who try to get out of jury duty for bullshit reasons
  4. The funniest NHL Referee
  5. Billionaire Matchmaker
  6. A no non-sense principal at a highly affluent public high school who secretly thinks of himself as a white Joe Clark
  7. A mediocre detective happy to keep as many cases closed as possible