THE STUPID THINGS I DO

  1. Call someone. When they answer, act surprised I'm on the phone. "Oh? Hi? It's, uh, Kevin?"
    This is a weird kind of stupid.
  2. Pretend to wash hands by running faucet so the stranger in the stall thinks I washed them.
    This is easily the stupidest.
  3. Have some cookies for dessert. Throw out rest of cookies and cookie container knowing I can't control myself if they're out. Dig through trash can to eat "one more" several times throughout night.
    This isn't that stupid. It's gross.
  4. Get drunk and gossip.
    Icky stupid.
  5. Turn Waze on. Ignore Waze, take the actual "fastest" route, tell Waze to shut the fuck up. Turn Waze off. Arrive 4 minutes later than I would've if I listened to Waze.