LIES I TELL MYSELF

It works! Try it yourself!
  1. "I'm not going to drink during the week anymore."
    How mature and self aware of me! I'm obviously going to bail on this the minute a friend wants to catch up over happy hour drinks, but it was worth a try.
  2. "You are over this guy."
    LOL NO I'M NOT! I'M LIKE, OBSESSED WITH HIM! But that's okay. Fake it till you make it.
  3. "I'm going to do a social media 'blackout' this week and focus on more important things."
    8 hours later: "I'm pretty sure it's illegal to witness a sunset without Instagramming it, right?"
  4. "OKCupid is a more legit dating app than Tinder."
    Real message received on OKCupid, grammar and all: "hi QT. feminisms good,,i like it."
  5. "Kindles are just as good as hard copies of books."
    Sometimes when commuting to work, you need to use a Kindle out of convenience...but everybody knows hard copies of books are better. You can't fold down the pages on a Kindle. You can't lick the page when you turn it on a Kindle. You don't get to go to adorable bookstores with Kindle, just Amazon.com which is significantly less cool and you can't meet a cute boy on Amazon.com! Case closed.
  6. "Your ex is having a terrible time without you."
    He's probably fine, but I tell this special lie to make myself feel better and to reinforce the fact that I am a bad ass who will one day make another person happy in the right way at the right time. HAHAhah or something like that.
  7. "I'll go to the gym tomorrow."
    Nope. No I won't.