Thoughts I Have When People Ask What I'm Up To

I'm definitely one of those people who has to sensor their every thought. On the outside, I like to believe that I have a wonderful and lovely demeanor. Internally, it's a whole other story. If anyone could read my thoughts, I just know I'd have far fewer than the two friends I have.
  1. "Oh, just minding my own damn business. What are you up to?"
    This one actually comes out a lot. Luckily, I have yet to blurt it out to someone who might actually get offended. But really, worry 'bout yourself!
  2. "Just wishing I was born with more middle fingers."
    Two is not enough. Like, today, I could have used at least five more!
  3. "Living the dream. Just living it..."
    I'm working a stressful and usually crappy job, instead of laying half-baked (I actually typed half-NAKED, but half-baked [totally baked] sounds good, too), and being fanned and lotioned by Elijah Wood, which is my ACTUAL dream. I'd also like to be double-fisting margaritas, please.
  4. "If I answer this question, am I then obligated to ask them in return?"
    I'm the kind of person who responds to, "How are you?" with "Good. How are you?" as I continue walking. It's a totally rhetorical question, since by the time you answer, I'll be two miles away, since I totally booked it out of there for fear of being stuck in a mind-numbing exchange of pleasantries. Occasionally, if it's someone I actually care to talk to, I'll stick around, but 15 seconds into their response, I have to confess that I'm not listening. I'm a great conversationalist.