LAST FIVE ILLNESSES I DIAGNOSED MYSELF WITH USING WEBMD
It might be hypochondria, it might be generalized anxiety. But it's probably nothing.
- •Hand, Foot, and Mouth DiseaseMild rash = viral lesions, right?
- •MittelschmerzThe fancy name for "painful ovulation." I arrived at this conclusion only after wondering for hours if I'd had a miscarriage—this despite the fact that I'd been living a sexless existence for months and months. And months.
- •RuminationThe overthinking-and-depressed-and-socially-withdrawn kind of rumination, not the eating disorder some infants and children have—the one where they keep regurgitating their food and then eating it over and over again on an endless loop. But I might've had that 20 years ago.
- •Chronic Progressive HeadachesFurther evidence that I maybe, probably have a brain tumor.
- •Early Onset Macular DegenerationBecause my depth perception is really poor—that's why I will never be able to parallel park my car and don't even try anymore.