THINGS MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SAYS
Disclaimer: Not actually a mom
- •"I wish I had feet on my butt and my penis and my head because I love feet."
- •"I am just OBSESSED with coloring these days."
- •On being in a band: "I don't think I'm ready to be the frontman yet—my toes don't even touch the floor when I sit down."
- •*Sniffs* "I can smell something stinky coming from California."
- •Upon meeting a dog he didn't like: "We don't need that beast in our lives."
- •"Look at all this fucking traffic."
- •Resolving conflict on the playground: "I don't want you to fight me because it hurts my heart."
- •Advice for a friend: "How about you eat your piroshky instead of your boogers?"
- •*Sighs* "All I want to do is listen to Haim."
- •"You like surprises. But not skunk surprises."
- •On his existential crisis: "I don't think I know quite anything about this life yet."
- •A summary of Tarzan: "It's about a man who wears his underwear outside!"
- •On pigeons: "These parrots are going to grab my hair, pick me up in the sky, fly me to their nest, and eat me. So I think we should just go home."
- •"When I grow up, I'll be a construction worker, then a Ninja Turtle. And then, when I'm old enough, I want to be a mom."
- •"I'm always prepared for the streets."
- •"I wish I could be part of the body. I wish I could be a nose. Because I just want to SNOT."
- •About me when I'm grumpy: "Drama, drama, drama."