HOW TO WRITE A THING

A cheat sheet that also works double duty for superstitious brides
  1. Something old...
    I know, you hate writing but love having written. A strong cliche is the perfect jumping-off place for a piece. It creates a familiar, comfortable space for your audience. From there, go nuts.
  2. Something new...
    If you want your piece to feel as fresh as Bieber's naked butt on a boat, insert something topical to keep the piece relevant. It helps the reader feel included, like they're in on your joke.
  3. Something borrowed...
    99% of writing is a waste of space. Quotes or data from a study help make your thing seem like a real thing.
  4. Something blue...
    I don't mean depressive, I mean obscene. Throw in a lewd reference or dirty word and people will be peeing their pants. They live for that shit.