CHRISTMAS LIST FOR SICK PEOPLE AND/OR THE ELDERLY--FINE, JUST ME.
- 1.A diamond medical ID braceletIf I have to flash it, I'm gonna fucking flash it, man.
- 2.King-size heated blanket so I can wrap myself in My Beautiful Comfortable Taco Burrito Sleep Sack™
- 3.Ralph Lauren down comforter to put over the heated blanket, ensuring that My Beautiful Comfortable Taco Burrito Sleep Sack™ provides true comfort and joy
- 4.Digital pill dispenser to ensure I don't "accidentally" take 2 muscle relaxants.They make me nicer.
- 5.$100 GENUINE flannel pajamas with a waist that gives with time
- 6.The Clapper but to shut my door for when my parents leave it open after checking on me oh god what is my life
- 7.A magic serum that lets me sleep through the night without having to get up and pee
- 8.A travel massage/heat pad so every seat I take is pure bliss
- 9.Pajama jeans cuz sometimes I gotta run out to Wegmans for sleepy time tea and MylantaDon't forget the Prep H and Enteman's crummie cake.
- 10.One of those dope infrared thermometersI'd have a baby just to register for this shit, man!