DISPATCHES FROM THE EMERGENCY ROOM
Stupid pneumonia is trying to kill me.
- •Haha my heart rate is so high they immediately brought me back.150, what up! 🙌🏼
- •Everyone here looks like they're one breath from death
- •Except me, I'm obviously stunning.
- •Two of the nurses recognized me.Sort of proud, mostly depressed.
- •OLD PEOPLE SHOULD NOT SHOVEL.Literal 💔
- •Dumb kids should not sled into poles.When in doubt, eject yourself from the sled in time!
- •Being in the ER does not make invisible or mute. We can all hear your burps and INCREDIBLY LOUD yawns, Man Who Looks Fine To Me.
- •I need a morphine drip for this chest pain, yo.Should I scream CHEST PAIN?
- •Seriously, my chest hurts like I'm wearing a bra!And I'm definitely not!
- •I can't believe my doctor made me come here. I'm missing Ellen.
- •The ER is so cold, as if they're preparing us for the morgue, one floor below.
- •Wonder where I can score some hummus.
- •Save me. 🙏🏻