WEIRD SHIT YOU HAVE TO PACK WHEN YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL SICK PERSON

I'm about to head to Europe for 8 days.
  1. A family sized box of Gushers in case I have a blood sugar low on any of the 75 flights I'm taking
  2. Three different antibiotics in case I catch the Turkish flu
  3. Two notes explaining my medical conditions
  4. A medical ID necklace that makes me look like the Red Cross tagged me for death
  5. So much extra medicine I expect to do time in a Turkish prison for drug smuggling
  6. A heating pad because I'm 75
  7. Icy hot cream. I am actually 29.
  8. The Turkish and Icelandic words for "lupus", "juvenile diabetes", and "cancer"
  9. I don't have cancer anymore but that card is good for at least 15 years post diagnosis
  10. Maybe 10. Whatever. Shut up!
  11. Uh. Wish me luck.