Things I Know About the Stranger Across the Aisle From Me on This Here Airplane

  1. Her son's name is Michael.
  2. She didn't raise him in a bubble.
  3. He's apparently able to fend for himself (see above) unlike his cousin, who was raised in a bubble.
  4. She was hired as a manager at Mattress Firm a month ago.
  5. She knows everything single thing there is to know about mattresses now.
  6. She's an expert in mattress aesthetics.
  7. She's judgey about other people's choices in mattresses.
  8. She drinks Fat Tire.
  9. She sports mom jeans like a champ.
  10. She does not have an inside voice.
  11. She's the woman who chooses the window seat and then makes her seat mates get up - twice - so she can go to the restroom.
  12. She has 4 kids.
  13. 3 of them are in college. The other is in high school.
  14. The one is high school is a freshman, but is actually a junior. (I'm not asking.)
  15. She's does not understand the idea of editing a story for a single serving airplane friend.
  16. There is no such thing as private information for her.
  17. She's disappointed in her husband's recent career change.
  18. Because he has an MS in computer science and just bought a landscaping company.
  19. She wants him to sell the business and get a real job.
  20. I do not know if I can restrain from slapping my hand over her mouth for the remaining 100 miles of this flight to just make. It. Stop.