found this in my drafts but it is a constant state
  1. Sometimes, I forget how I've felt about things.
  2. I don't want to forget.
  3. It makes me lose the reasoning behind me doing or not doing something.
  4. Forgetting how I feel creates unnecessary anxiety.
    I don't know how to act. How I've been wanting to act. Why I've been wanting to act.
  5. So I can come back to them and remember. So I can reason with myself.
  6. I wish I could just collect my emotions to save for later.
  7. Put them in a jar.
  8. Sometimes, I have moments where I can briefly remember how I've felt.
  9. All the anxiety that was weighing so heavily fades away for a second.
  10. And then I lose it.
  11. And I'm back to worrying.
  12. -
  13. Why can't I remember something as simple as how I've felt?
  14. Why is it that I forget the thing that is most important to me?
  15. -
  16. There is a lob in my stomach.
  17. I have to be busy.
  18. Just stay busy.
  19. Any kind of busy.
  20. Make yourself busy.
  21. Just not busy worrying.